My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's shark week go big or go home
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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