PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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