apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
