check it out our google latitudes are spooning
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
