she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
