Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
