I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
