the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
