He is an equal opportunity slut.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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