Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
