im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
