birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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