I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
