She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
