Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
