I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
