I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
