A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
