i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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