Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
