peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
