Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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