Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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