Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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