I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize