Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
