I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
