everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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