I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
