I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
