I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize