id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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