we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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