A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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