Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
