the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
