I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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