she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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