and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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