so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
