Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
