I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
