Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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