**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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