Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
