That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we're making bets on your personal life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
