Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
