I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
