Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
