his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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