he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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